I made it!

Today is officially the last day of NaBloPoMo and I made it! I posted every single day throughout the month of November. Now, I'm going to take a wee break while I work on some things that need my attention. It's been an interesting experience posting every day. Have to admit, not many people are reading this blog so it makes all the work I've done seem rather silly. Yes, I put thought into every post, found or created images, tried to think of interesting things to say, but I just couldn't find a way to get decent numbers. No problem. I will continue to post on Comic Books Revisited every Monday, Wednesday and Friday. The next story (the one that begins Monday) is a must-read Lois Lane. She turns herself into a black woman in order to experience prejudice. It's pure 1970s relevance, can you dig it? Please join me for this wonderful bit of pop culture history.

Meanwhile, please enjoy the Holy Chip auction below. It's cornalicious! And consider clicking one of those book links to the right -- they make great gifts! If you know a cat-lover, "The Wisdom of Yo Meow Ma" is my personal recommendation.

Until then NaBlo NaBlo, as Mork never said!

The Holy Chip Auction

Awhile back I promised to post my infamous Holy Chip Auction. Below is the auction in full as it appeared on eBay. Well, close to how it appeared. The formatting didn't fit the blog so I had to make some adjustments. But all the text and photos are here. Remember: I'm not making fun of religion. I'm making fun of people who rely on false visions in grilled cheese as opposed to the true residence of God, in each and every one of our hearts. Enjoy!

Only once in a lifetime does something so miraculous arrive in the guise of a lowly tortilla chip. For lo, out of a bag of Tostitos® brand tortilla chips did I behold the breathtaking beauty of the Blessed Virgin Mary, praying serenely, the folds of her long, flowing sleeves covering her pious hands. I knew instantly that I had received a Divine message from God on High: "Go forth and sell this Holy Chip on ebay!" He said unto me. Now, it is your turn to own this Miraculous Snack Food.

At first, I merely marveled at the size of the chip. It was as thick as dozens of other chips put together. Half the bag's weight appeared to be tied up in this one, amazing chip. I knew then that this was no ordinary factory error. The mere touch of this mighty Chip of Destiny was enough to make me speak in tongues as I repeated over and over, "Tostito! Tostito! Not Dorito but Tostito!" It was a humbling and rare experience.



Knowing then that the Blessed Salted Wonder was not some oddity to be unceremoniously masticated, I searched its craggy features for the message hidden within. "Looks kinda like a cowboy boot," I murmured, examining the back of the chip. "Or maybe a snooty guy with a really big nose." But yea verily, these seemed so ordinary, so mundane for a chip with supernatural girth. I knew I had to look deeper for its meaning.





Turning the chip over in my trembling hands, I allowed my chili to get cold and my Diet Rite Cola to go flat. So enraptured was I when I first laid eyes on the visage engraved by a Holy Hand onto the face of the chip. "Holy Mary, Mother of God..." I gasped as her serene features made themselves plain before me.





I saw her hands raised in supplicance, her mouth open, as if whispering a prayer or singing a hymn. With a slight turn in angle I saw the baby Jesus resting in her arms, as she sang him to sweet sleep.





Another view and her mouth closes, her prayers now silent and beseeching. Quickly, I made a tiny bible to place in her upstretched arms, so that she could read her son's biography.



Glancing at the back of the Sacred Tostito® again, the form of a woman emerged before my wondering eyes. I needed no more proof.





I was infused with peace as I held the Holy Snack, knowing that I had been chosen from out of so many chip-munching minions, to be the vessel of this Blessed Sign.

But, why me? Why was I the Chosen Disciple? I don't know. I could say it was because my husband left me alone to raise our 15 children on the meager $27 a month I earn collecting aluminum cans, but I don't have a husband or children, nor do I have a job in the recycling business. I might think it was because I recently survived a near-death experience and walked through a tunnel of light toward my Lord and Master, but nothing like that has ever come close to happening (although I did have a near-life experience recently when I had lunch with a friend). Am I a poverty-stricken product of society's uncaring indifference? Well, I'm broke, if that helps. But I have too much pride to play upon your pity. Bid not to help your wretched fellow human being – Bid because YOU are the rightful owner of the Blessed Chip! Bid because only YOU deserve to bask in its Unearthly Aura of Cornicious Beauty! Bid because no matter what you think of me or of my auction, the chip really is unusually chunky and does indeed possibly maybe have the sublime countenance of the Virgin Mary etched in its salted surface.



The Sacred Tostito® bag was purchased in Los Angeles (the City of Angels – how apropos) in a special edition USC Trojan bag. Although Trojans ordinarily prevent conception, this particular chip was born anyway. Dare I say, "Intelligently Designed?" Okay, I won't. Search not for Sacramental Salsa or Nativityish Nacho Cheese, for this chip was not immaculately conceived for such ordinary things. It was meant to bestow upon its owner a true and sacred blessing. Art thou the Pious Picante that canst dip deep into thy wallet for this Hallowed Chip of Righteousness?



Or you could bid 'cause it looks kinda like a cowboy boot. Your choice.

A note about shipping: It's $5.00 for priority mail, insurance optional (and based on the Final Market Value of the Blessed Tostito®). I will offer insurance, but cannot mark in the amount until I know the price for which this one-of-a-kind Heavenly Snack Food sells. Please ask for insurance, if you so desire it, at the end of the auction. I'd suggest you get it due to the somewhat fragile nature of this unique item.

All Tostito® brand Heavenly Blessed Chip sales are 'as is' and there are no returns.

I hereby swear on a stack of bibles (real ones, not tiny fake ones) that I did nothing to alter, shape, or in any way impose my will upon this very special Tostito® brand tortilla chip. It is exactly as I found it in the original packaging – which, by the way, had almost no chips in it because this one was so heavy. Total ripoff.

I accept Paypal or Money Orders. No personal checks, please!
If a personal check is sent, there will be Hell (and possible brimstone) to pay.

Pets

A couple of days ago I mentioned the rune book I'd written. If you look on the right side, you'll also several books about cats and dogs. When I was growing up, we always had a dog. They're a fantastic pet and I love them dearly. But when I moved away from home and got an apartment, cats seemed a better choice for a pet. I had two cats, sisters, and they were some of the dearest friends I've ever had.

You can read the story of Trace and Ilsa on my website. I shared a bond with those two that was deeper than I'd ever felt with another animal. We were constant companions and adored each other, all three of us. When Ilsa passed away, Trace and I turned to each other in our grief (and if anyone tries to convince you that animals don't feel grief, they're full of it).

Am I one of those crazy cat ladies? Maybe a little. I miss my girls terribly. For awhile, I couldn't even consider getting another pet. But now I really want a kitten. Unfortunately, I can't afford one right now. I don't mean I can't afford to buy a kitten – there are free kittens if that were the case and I never go for pure breeds anyway. I mean that pets take resources. Food, litter, and vet bills all add up. It would be irresponsible of me to take on a pet without the finances to fully support her.

So I wait. When I sell another book, the first thing I'll do is get a kitten. Not that selling another book will make me rich or anything. But it would make me feel a little bit better about taking on the responsibility. Until that time, I'll go on missing that extra heartbeat in the room, those sweet soft purrs, and the feel of downy fur under my fingertips. Now go hug your pet!

Geriatic computers

Apple has just launched their newest operating system, Leopard. It looks absolutely amazing. I watched the guided tour and drooled all over my keyboard. So am I going to buy it? The primary problem is that my Mac is over 3 years old. For most things, that wouldn't matter at all. In the world of computers, it's retirement age.

I've read the system requirements and I could install Leopard if I can open enough room on my hard drive. That's one of my biggest problems right now. My hard drive is almost maxed out. Whenever you buy a new computer the space available seems outrageously huge. "I'll never fill that up, yay!" But reality is that applications keep getting bigger and bigger, gobbling up gigabytes like a hippo in a hay field. Enormous applications often make gigantic files, too. I love the program Garageband (it's what I use to record my music) but the song files are so big it eats up a huge amount of space. Photos are another byte muncher, as are videos and games.

I have a back-up drive and that's where I store the files I don't need to access immediately. But the process of dumping files is a tedious one. Still, it's not impossible so I probably could find the room to install the new system software.

But the problems of having an old computer multiply. It's slow compared to the newer models, holds a max of 1 gig of RAM (yes, I've already maxed out on that) and now RAM requirements keep rising. I'm out of warranty, with a full hard drive, maxed out RAM, and a slow processor. I'm in a position where I have to watch the world surpass me as I type on my dinosaur.

On a positive note, it still works, so I'm very grateful for that. I can't afford a new computer so I'll continue to nurse this one along, trying to stay up to date. When you live on your computer as I do, this is all serious stuff. Without it, I can't earn a living. Geriatric or not, as long as I get that happy Mac face every day, I can keep on keeping on.

Prognostication

As you can tell by the list of books I've written, I wrote a book about runes (Explore Your Destiny with Runes: Reveal the Secrets of Your Future with this Ancient Divination System). This was not a scholarly treatise, rather it was about using runes as a prognostication device or oracle. It is, as they say, "for entertainment purposes only." Truth is, I do find this sort of thing entertaining. But it can also point to things that may be under the surface, or shine a light on areas that don't currently have your focus.

When I heard about Miss Michele's Taro Blog I had to give it a try. The reading gave me a lot to think about. It's obvious she takes a lot of time, uses great insight, and thinks through what the cards tell her. She's knows her tarot, that's for sure. I don't know much about it myself, but am always interested in seeing how other people interpret their chosen method of prognostication. I know when I wrote the rune book, I used a lot of source material to get the basics but added and interpreted using my own sense and instinct. Writing a book is different from doing an individual reading because the former has to apply to everyone while the latter is specific. Still, they both require a leap. You have to trust yourself and whatever message is coming through.

I'm a pretty grounded person and I don't believe in everything, but to me, these tools are more about focus than hocus pocus. We all have so many things vying for our attention. Sometimes it's important to take a step back, ask for help, and listen when something presents itself. By putting the spotlight on one possible path, we can choose whether that path is a good choice. I thank Miss Michele most sincerely for shining that light for me and for a good friend. We both got a lot out of the readings.

A little music

On this lazy Sunday after Thanksgiving, I'll give you a little jazz song called Rainy Day. On the piano is Mori Behar, on the sax is Ilya Gerasimenko, I do vocals. Mori sent me the piano track, I found a melody and wrote the lyrics. After I added vocals it went to Ilya for sax. Mori then added drums and bass and did the final engineering. I hope you enjoy the song!

P.S. I tried to embed the file but although I came close, it simply didn't work in the end. Therefore, if you click the link above it should take you to a Quicktime file of the MP3.

Malibu is on fire again

It's always a horrible feeling to wake up and see that Southern California is yet again burning. This time it's Malibu and possibly some part of San Diego. The local coverage was all about Malibu (photos are from the L.A. Times). 35 homes burned so far, an enormous wall of smoke and thousands of acres destroyed. They don't yet know the cause but the subtext was a strong suspicion it was arson.

I don't understand the minds of arsonists. I don't understand how anyone can get pleasure out of seeing nature, homes, and people destroyed. There are a lot of people whose brains are wired wrong. Or maybe it's some childhood trauma. I don't know. I just know that I hope the penalty for arson on this scale takes away the person's ability to ever set a fire again.

To the people of Malibu, my heart goes out to you.